random thoughts
I don't like smiling people. They are too transparent. I like serious, not caring looking people more because when they smile and joke with you it seems like the sun came out in the rainy weather! And when they do that… it feels like a reward! Smiling people might brighten your day but you will not remember it as long as you will remember that one occasional lift of facial muscles of serious person...this is weird, i know. But this is how I feel.
When I try to think about any love story (whatever love story) it seems that in my head it all ends with sex. This is not bad but it seems that love, for me, associates with sex. And this is no good! I often catch myself thinking that I won't like sex and it's ordinary and weird. I don't know why I think so… May be because I don't believe in long lasting love and all these, I mean sex and marriage, seem fake to me?
When I look at my mom I see that we have nothing to talk about. The distance and time did their jobs, I guess. When I'm in the kitchen drinking tea with my mom, silence, sometimes, gets awkward and uncomfotrable. When I was in high school she knew all my friends and we at least could talk about them, but now we don't have anything in common. How I feel about this? I feel sad. However I feel like I don't care anymore also. I guess, distance and time really did their jobs.
I like cute people. It seems like I like them more than the rest of the people! lol
