so let's get my heart organized vol. forgot which one(:

D.l — deleted from my life, didn't think about him until recently. Just some good moments you know, but nothing special. It is even funny now how obsessed with him I was!

K.d — oh, I never wrote about him here. If I wrote this post about 2 weeks ago, you would probably hear how much I like him and how hot he is. But now it's nothing. How fast it is with me, huh? Once I stop liking a guy, I stop. He should be a damn fine guy in order for me to keep him in my mind forever!

I.n — This guy is weird but still hot. I remeber writing about his eyes. Yes, they are still there(: And damnnn his eyes! They are to die for! I won't say that I like him and want him as a boyfriend (too Bulgarian for me) but I definitely WANT him! (if you know what I mean

and this is it. I can't think of any other guys I like. I'm just glad the semester is almost over and summer is approaching. Will try to write more here(;

Until then,

Bizu Bizu

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that moment when nothing else makes you excited and the life gets boringg...

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that lonely planet of mine.

It feels like I am loosing that connection I had before with my family. We no longer understand or want to listen to each other. Mother? I can not talk to her for more than 10 min. Brother? He is becoming a teenager and is always pissed off and doesn't want to listen to anyone. Father? I feel like he sees me as a money spender and a spoiled child, however, he is the only one left who I can talk to. 
Feels really bad not to be able to talk about all happening to me with anyone. When would I finally have that person, the one and only, who would understand me, who would hold my hand and never let it go? When will I stop feeling lonely? 
My friends have their own problems and it still feels weird to talk to them about something that is bothering me inside. My family seems to be on a different planet and it seems that they are ok with that. No +1 needed. My friends are closer but still so far away. At the end of the road we all are lonely. We come to this place alone and we leave it alone. Sad.

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someone you adore.

Sometimes I want to talk to him on a different level. I want to tell him how I feel. I want to tell him everything I am afraid of and what makes me feel happy and alive. I want to tell him that I don't feel like I belong in this life. I feel lost. Trapped. My soul feels like it is not in the right place. And I don't want him to judge me. I want him to understand, take my hand and kiss it. I want be near me...I want to inhale that Armani air around him. Melt in his brown eyes. Feel wanted and loved.
I no longer want to answer on «what's up?» and «how are you?» What is the point of those questions anyway? What is the point of life if you can't share it with someone you adore and need? 

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Happy Valentine's Day y'all! Hope you are doing fine, you love and feel loved!

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I wish it would rain.

I wish it would rain. With money. With love. Washing our tears away.


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Inner thoughts: I feel fat and I want a cake, s'il vous plait?

I just can't stop thinking about how fat I became. And I cannot stop eating either. I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is fat hanging out or those huge legs of mine. But no, don't get me wrong I do love myself and if someone would call me fat, I'd shove that person back to her mom's vagina! *Sorry* But I can't lie to myself, right?

Everyday I make a plan of eating clean, eating less, no sugar, gym, bla bla bla but the very next day I forget about all my promisses and eat that delicious mother chocolater! Maybe I have a food addiction? Maybe I lack motivation? Maybe I need to fall in love? Maybe I should stop BSing and start doing. Yeah, that sounds like a better plan! Watch me start it tomorrow! hah! SEE! I don't even want to start...Ahh, ok, I am leaving now. Promise not to eat anything

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So a lot of hours passed since i did my last post/ got you updated/ made myself think you read me (;
How have I been? Same. This is the word that comes to my mind. Nothing really changed. I am still me, no one around, nowhere to go. Homesick right now though. Kinda sick of my uni cz people are the same, classes are the same, nothing ever changes here. So I am so ready for summer to start to work some place new (particularly MA), and so ready to graduate and move to some place interesting. But scared of course. It's funny how I want changes but I am afraid of them..Women(: No logic(:
The good thing is that I am taking a Graphic Design class this semester which is very exciting and hopefully will be very interesting. I am happy to go to every class. I wish I could say the same for my Business classes(:
I feel like wintertime depression is coming soon to visit me. But I am really trying hard to stop it. Music helps. Cold here in BG. Cold in the room. Listen to this beat.

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1. Для некурящих — кофе и пончик. Комбинация глюкозы и кофеина повышает внимательность.

2. Жвачка повышает концентрацию сильнее, чем кофеин, правда, эффект длится всего 20 минут.

3. Рисуйте и чертите. Если размышлять о проблеме и параллельно что-нибудь рисовать, это повысит концентрацию и усилит память.

4. Думайте об умных людях — известных ученых, предпринимателях. Мысли об умных людях рождают поток ассоциаций («гениальный», «талантливый», «одаренный»), которые в свою очередь рождают правильный ментальный настрой. Эффект длится 15 минут.

5. Общайтесь с другими людьми, интересуйтесь их жизнью, не позволяйте чувству одиночества овладеть вами. Одиночество не только бьет по когнитивным способностям, но и ведет к преждевременной смерти.

6. Физические упражнения.

7. Слушайте классическую музыку. Любая другая музыка дает нейтральный или отрицательный эффект.

8. Не распыляйтесь. Мультитаскинг — зло.

9. Мужчины, старайтесь, чтобы в поле зрения не было красивых женщин. Старайтесь даже не думать о них. На женщин это правило не распространяется.

10. Высыпайтесь. Разным людям требуется разная продолжительность сна. Не надо подражать неспящей элите.

11. Если решаете задачу на озарение, примите горизонтальное положение. В лежачем положении снижается уровень норадреналина и активность голубого пятна, что ведет к расслаблению, повышению креативности и, в конечном счете, к решению.

12. Верьте в себя. Убеждения влияют на когнитивные способности. Даже простое ношение белого халата повышает точность и внимательность

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NY Resolutions

Everyone is making New Year Resolutions. Should I make some? I think I should. I have a lot of things to change in my life.

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